I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
