It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
