the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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