she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
