Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
