Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
