She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
