Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
