i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
