In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
