She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
