You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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