I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
