he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
