I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
