You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
