I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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