I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
