he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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