I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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