So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
