When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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