There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
