not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
