she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
