When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
