The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
