i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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