It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
