it hurts more in the daytime
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
