This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
