Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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