I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I AM VODKA MAN
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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