i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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