Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
