cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
