sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
