You just made me feel so damn special
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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