He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
