i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
