I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
