So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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