dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
