you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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