tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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