I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm too high and old for this...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
