I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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