When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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