so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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