You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
